So today was an interesting day. Or I had some interesting conversations with some interesting people, more one interesting conversation with that one interesting person. It didn't really sort things out which I think was my intention in the beginning, it actually got me more confused. And left me with more big descisions. It's about whether I should study in California next year, study in Sweden, work in Sweden or maybe go somewhere else to do something totally different? Now when I finally have all the applications and money paid for studying in california I'm starting to get cold feet :/ Is it really what I want? Am I really ready to leave you all behind? Can I manage so many years without my family at home? Can I manage to live my life without you? I'm SOOO lost inside of my head..how am I who's just a little dot in the universe be able to figure it all out? I need some guidance, some advice, some good opinions on my whole situation. I need  camilla, you always help me sort things out and make it all clearer..can't call you though. So I guess I'll just write it here..

Call me Camilla and dad I need you!

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"Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key." Alan Bennett

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Seconhand serenade - Fall for you

I'm obcessed with this song! It is soooo good! Sad though. Gives me that uncomfortable butterfly feeling in my stomach.

Your call
It's not over
Awake

A few other songs from Seconhand serenade that are awesome! They really rock!

Finally back in my basement again after two and a half week with the little one in her room. So now my basement's waterproof and as new. Felt so good to be back down in your own bed and to have the privacy back. Not mentioning how nice it's gonna be to sleep in this weekend (no 5 year old who wakes me up at 7am saturday morning to say "I know you're sleeping Ofhi but I just wanted to say I love you". Sure it's cute but NOT at 7am!;p

And tuesday I went to my first soccergame here in America. Me, Greg, Mark, Mike, Dominique and Brandon took a "guys night out" and went to see United play Atlante. Sadly Atlante won but it was a good game with such an american feeling about it..

What else is going on? Hmm..my trips for august are booked. Sadly though I'm not coming with my darling Monique up to Iowa as planned. The tickets were way too expensive when me and Mickie looked the other day. And Mickie and Brian are paying half of my 500$ tickets so that I can come join them in the colorado mountains. So that's how it's gonna work. A few days with my dear friend Anna, who I wen't to high school with in Sweden, she lives in Colorado. After that I join the family for a trip up to the mountains for a few days. Then it's time to head down to Joey in Arizona.

Last night our family and Henrys family from across the street had a BBQ at our house for Sydneys friend Naomi and her family. They're leaving to move to Vietnam for three years cause the dad, Dane, got a job there. It was a nice little BBQ but sooo sad to see Sydney and Naomi say goodbye to eachother knowing they're not gonna see there best friend until they're almost 9 years old! And I got more emotional than I thought I would when I had to say goodbye to Mishka (Naomis mom). We've gotten pretty close during my time here and she's such a loving and nice women. Probably won't ever see them again. But I guess I better get used to it since everyone I know down here is leaving me in a nearby future. Just got invited to Linda-Maries going away party this saturday..It's gonna be hard, but hey who said life was easy!?

Last but not least, the papers for applying to Santa Barbara City College are sent and ready to be viewed in Sweden. I really hope I can get a spot, get good enough results on the english test and get in!:)


Jordin sparks - A step at a time
Pussycat dolls - When I grow up

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"Stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary." Louisa May Alcott

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust

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Today I went to the doctor to do a little checkup. When I was filling in the regular forms before going in it said something about bloodtest. I've never taken a bloodtest my whole life and freaked out! Almost started crying there in the waiting room. I signed the papers anyway and waited for my name to be called. They called me and I took Monique in me in the room. The girl/nurse, whatever she was, was like 23 or something, really young, forst time ever. But I liked her, felt like talking to a friend :) Anyways she said that the bloodtest wasn't a must and that I got to choose myself if I wanted to do it or not. After thinking for about 10 minutes I took a grip of myself and approved! Scared as hell but I did it! So proud of myself!!:D And I know that you all might think "what's the big deal it's just a bloodtest!" But yeah for me it IS! I'm terrified of shots and needles and anyone who doesn't believe me, ask Monique! ;p The whole thing went good, felt really dissy in the end (she took three whole tubes for christ sake!) and afterwords something weird happened..it wasn't really a faint (I've fainted before when shots has been involved) cause I could feel the whole process and everything was spinning... yeah whatever, let's skip that part and stick to the fact that I was brave and did an excellent job people!;)

I've had a busy week, therefor no update her for example. Mickie and her twinsister Shelly left for a trip to Arkansas tuesday morning. Leaving me with the three girls, their cousin Jack and Brian with a torn acilles heal in a cast! Thank god that aunt Raine has been helping me out!:p It's been busy busy but soo much fun actually. Jack really made it a whole lot easier, he's such a pleasant boy to have around and he spreads good energy. The moms got home now tonight and tomorrow they're leaving. But it's been a good week!

only four more months now and then I get to go back to see my beloved! Had a dream about me coming home the other day. Lukas were a baby mixed with a dog for some reason and we were all sitting in dads kitchen after my arrival. Lukas came up to me and said "You're finally home, we've missed you big sister" it really touched me, eventhough it was a dream. I miss you all so so much!! Can't wait!

Anyways, time to make a phonecall to the punk in Arizona and then get some sleep so I have some energy for the kids tomorrow. Hopefully I get the weekend off, though it wouldn't surprise me if they have me working saturday night as usual



Flobots - handlebar
Bruce Springstein - On fire
Across the universe soundtrack (It's just awesome! All the old beatles classic in a new and funky way..)

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For want of a nail, the shoe was lost. For want of the shoe, the horse was lost. For want of the horse, the rider was lost. For want of the rider, the battle was lost. For want of the battle, the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail!

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Just got off the phone with Camilla (my dads wife). Thank's for calling, it's always appreciated! In some wierd way Camilla always make me feel better. She's always there when I need to talk and always gives good advise. I'm glad daddy met you :) And I actually got to talk a few words with Lukas this time :p he called me "pippi" (means bird in swedish) and pointed out to the little bouncy-mat we have in our garden and said he wanted me to come bounce with him..he thought about a picture we have where we're all sitting on the bouncy-mat before I went to america. Soo cute. It touched me to know that he actually remembers me! I miss you both so, so much!

And Martin and Alex are not coming to NY after all :( I was really looking forward to meet you guys and to show you NYC. Dissapointing! I still have august to look forward to though, so far.Wouldn't surprise me if something came up and destroyed those plans too!

It hurts to see you sad Joey. I wanna help you in every possible way, dunno what I can do though? There comes a time in life when you just have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it. After all, life is to short to be anything but happy. If I was down there I would give you a 1000 hugs til it all felt better :)

I try so many times
But it's not taking me
And it seems so long ago
That I used to believe
And I'm so lost inside of my head
And crazy
But I cant get out of it
I'm just stumbling

And I'm juggling all the thoughts in my head
I'm juggling and my fears on fire
But I'm listening as it evolved in my head
I'm balancing on one fine wire

And I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
I remember the time my balance was fine
And I was just walking on one fine wire
But It's frayed at both the ends
And I'm slow unraveling

Life plays such silly games inside of me
And I've felt some distant cries, following
And their entwined between the night and sun beams
I wish I were free from this pain in me

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Seconhand serenade - Fall for you
Colbie caillat - One fine wire
Katy perry - Thinking of you

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